Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
