She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i came on her dog
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
