I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
