I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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