I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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