I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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