$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize