Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
