he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize