one two three fourrrrnication!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
