His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
