You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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