I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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