Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
