Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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