Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
