my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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