if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
