Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize