last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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