Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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