Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
