Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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