I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and she was petting her beer can
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize