I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
