Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
