I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
