I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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