It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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