fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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