Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
