Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
