Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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