Dude my mom stole all your condoms
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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