I wish I could teleport
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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