Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
