i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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