"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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