Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize