I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
