Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
