Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
