Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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