i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
