tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
