How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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