You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
