is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
