3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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