why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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