I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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