I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
