She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
