I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
