I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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