she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
