WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dude. I can hear the air.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
