guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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