I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
