well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
