she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
