if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cockslap morals
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
