i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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