She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
