Define "chronic" masturbator.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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