you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
